Love

I am not sure if you know this but I am a 22 year old Christian male who is engaged to be wed in  November. Today's post I thought I would write about love, not because I am an expert cause I am engaged and not because I have a lot of thoughts in the area but because I just got home after having a learning curve with my fiancé. I use the phrase learning curve not because I am avoiding the word fight but because it was not a fight. I was upset about things that happened, we weren't arguing or disagreeing at all.

But first let me ramble about love. It is quite a unique concept. Society quite often feeds us the idea that everybody deserves to be loved and that there is somebody out there for everyone if we just keep looking and hanging in there. Every Rom com in history shares the story of someone who finds love in an unexpected way and then stumbles but they always ended up happy in love yet again. I want to disagree with this idea when I sit and contemplate it but it is engrained into our culture and into me that if I am not consciously thinking about it then I do fall into that trap joking with friends about when we are all married and having kids and that we will all find someone one day. Right now in life I think I fall into the basket of believing that love is not an emotion you feel towards one particular  person it is in fact a belief and conscious choice you make toward that person. I can choose my housemates I live with and obviously I am going to choose ones that I get along with well and can hang out with, chat and just do life together. I do not have to do these things but I am going to choose the people based on these qualitites. I find love a little bit the same. It is a choice to consciously put someone else first (or at least to try to) not just a feeling you get when you are attracted towards someone and eventually this turns to love. It is choosing to be the best for them and improve each other and go through the good the bad and the downright ugly together and just work on life together and choose to help each other and suffer together. That is what I believe love is.

Bringing me back to my original story. Love is more then that though as well. Love is crying together and laughing together and just telling each other why you are pissed off with them and talking about it and apologising and realising you screwed up and trying to fix it and even though you want to yell and scream at them about it refraining because deep down htey have hurt you yet you love them and you do not wish to tell them because theyll get upset. Yet you also do have to tell them so they understand what they have done to hurt you. Love is this hurt and coming together to move forward from it. It does not hold a bitter grudge and bring up past incidents to prove points it forgives and leaves those points of learning and tention behind, It brings the people together as they come through the hard times and together they will grow stronger. All these thigns and more are what I believe love is and luckily tonight I got to experience that as I wanted to yell at my fiance and tell her what she did wrong but instead I cried, I cried and cried and told her as I sobbed and she said she was sorry as she understood the pain she had caused. She said she was sorry because she loved me and in that moment, honestly I wish I could forgive her but I couldn't. It took me 10 minutes to cool off and get some emotion out of it. But 10 minutes later when the tears had stopped and the the emotions boiled down I looked at her and all I could do was smile and forgive her cause I LOVE HER and that is what love is. She can hurt me sometimes with her words by accident and occasionally on purpose but 10 minutes later I look at her and want to be angry at her but I can't cause I do love her and love is about moving forward together. And that is what happened tonight.